I think I read somewhere that someone was bitching because Clears still get sick and Hubbard said we wouldn’t. Would I say I still get sick? Absolutely. This year I probably got sick once, I had upper right flank pain. I later realised the cause and it went away. Clears can still be PTS, and I believe an incident triggered this pain. What I can say though, is that I get sick a lot less, and it’s for shorter periods.
I honestly do believe I don’t have my own reactive mind anymore, given how I have changed over the last few months. To all Pre-Clears, you should know that I don’t consider myself better than anyone - that’s always the first thing that happens, people recognise differences and so there’s resentment or jealousy or putting someone on a pedestal. I’m just a Scientologirl from South Africa who’s interested in self-improvement and building a community of independent Scientologists. I don’t consider myself more special, and nor should you. The only thing I consider more special is the transition between who I was and who I am now.
I’m a full-disclosure kinda girl. There will always be transparency from me, because I feel like that’s what independent Scientology desperately needs and lacks - other Scientologists coming out of their own telling the world how awesome it is and just being open about their experiences. So, I’d like to do that now, for all you preClears out here in this small pool of awesome people.
Let me start with my OCA. When we’re talking about no longer having your own reactive mind, I am the absolute truth to that. My old OCA literally said I was prone to bouts of explosive behaviour. I’m a bit of a perfectionist at times, so a build up of critical thoughts because I was taught to be nice or don’t say anything at all would eventually lead to mini explosions. You know, someone can just say the wrong thing on the wrong day and there I go. What’s more is that this was generally acceptable behaviour around the people I was around, it kind of had a “bragging rights” thing attached to it, where someone would (for example) refer to themselves as a can of coke and if shook too much they’d explode.
We aren’t cokes though, and explosions on people is not very sane. It makes you unpredictable, seem unstable, and I wouldn’t want to be around me either back then. I’m sure many people would tell me “you shouldn’t say that about yourself because they’ll use it against you,” but if I can’t be myself and be honest with everyone, how can I expect people to believe a word I say? No. I don’t do what I do because I’m worried about my ego. I think these kinds of things need to be shared.
How did my Clear cognition change this? Well, it’s kind of like realising you create the problem (being critical in the first place) and try to solve the problem (by exploding to feel better). Basically being Clear for me feels like no longer operating an ego level. I’m not sure if that’s what LRH says or if everyone is the same, but that’s what it feels like to me. So, no longer having our own reactive mind -we get reactive because of things done to us or at least it felt that way at some point, therefore, no longer having it literally feels like the ego is stripped away, it’s not just about me anymore, and I know that I can confront anything.
It wasn’t just explosive towards others. There were days where “everything just felt too much” - I used to get panic attacks and nightmares, and I used to be “a crier,” I was shy, worried about what people thought of me, and there were days when I actually hated myself. All this is true. LRH had it right when he said “if you don’t know yourself, you know nothing.”
I’m not embarrassed about these things - that would be reactive if I think about it. In the end I decided to make changes, I decided to not take the antidepressants, and I decided to take responsibility for my life. That’s what it all comes down to - how responsible can you be over yourself and your environment.
But, alas, Clear is only a fraction of what’s in store. I could have never comprehended being stable without the use of psych drugs, or being away from restims, but here I am. Perhaps most of you aren’t coming from the dark depths that I was in, but I feel like my story can inspire others, I hope!
Lastly, from my experience, being clear doesn’t mean you don’t get reactive at all. It simply means I choose my battles, and those have nothing to do with my own considerations towards myself. The reactive mind feels very 1st dynamic, where being a Clear feels more pan-determined, more inclusive of other dynamics, working more towards the greatest good than just protection of the self. Would I still get offended or embarrassed about something? Maybe, but I would definitely say there has been a dramatic decrease in those kinds of thoughts, and more importantly, how I react to them.
I hope this helped “clear” things up. Let me know if you have any questions in the comments!